


Bringing Him In With A Bag Of Dirt To Follow

by InsufferableKnowItAl



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Bar, Blow Jobs, Drinking, F/M, Humor, Ladies night out, Memory, Mistake, Oral Sex, Partying, Regret, Sex, Young and dumb, drunk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-21
Updated: 2017-06-21
Packaged: 2018-11-16 19:50:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,021
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11259774
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InsufferableKnowItAl/pseuds/InsufferableKnowItAl
Summary: Needing someone to fill in the Defense Against the Dark Arts Position at Hogwarts, Professor Dumbledore asks Professor to bring in Professor Lockhart to fill the job. But what happens when a one night stand that happened between Minerva and Gilderoy resurfaces?Do NOT Judge! I was dared to write this!





	Bringing Him In With A Bag Of Dirt To Follow

"Minerva, please, I ask of you to bring him in." Albus begged her as he sat behind his huge oak desk. His half moon spectacles sat on the bridge of his nose as the stern witch huffed and paced around the room.

"I will absolutely not! We are better off without the stupidness of him!" She argued back. This was the first time he had ever seen her this angry over such a matter, and none the less a person.

"Minnie-"

"Oh don't you Minnie me!" She hissed at him. Even though she was a Gryffindor through and through, that slytherin trait was embedded in her stern personality.

"Please. We need him to teach this class. We have no one and I know you more so can sway him." She stopped pacing and sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose.

"Why? Why do you insist he come? Can't you find someone else? Why can't Severus fill the position and have Slughorn come back!?" Her attitude once more became hostile, she must have really hated him.

"Minerva, I must ask why you don't like Mr. Lockhart..." She groaned.

"He is a cheat! A lie! A scam! He is....is..."

"Minerva....." She stopped her little rage and looked at him in defeat.

"I finally understand why Severus always seems to have his panties in a bundle after having meetings with you, because there's no arguing our way through to you." And with that, she quickly turned on her heel and left, slamming the door behind her. He just sat back in his chair and sighed happily.

Walking down the school hall, rubbing her eyes in pure exhaustion, she shook her head. It was after curfew and she was in a bitter mood, thanks to the hyped on sugar Headmaster they got running the place. She loved the man, she really did, but Merlin did she sit back and wonder who put the guy in charge. He seemed a few screws loose and she could mean it both ways.

Reaching her private dorms, she slammed the door and walked to her bedroom. Throwing open the door, she went straight for her bedside dresser. Opening it abruptly, she drew out her flask and took a long overdue drag from it. She had promised herself it was only for emergencies and right now, she felt as of this were an emergency.

He was such an arse! How could she go and fetch him, knowing the likes of him would be as incompetent as ever at Hogwarts! The post to her minds as well stay cursed, for if she were successful in finding him, then they were in for a bloody Hell of a year.

Closing her flask, she disregarded her robe and sprawled out under the covers. She had the worst headache and obviously the muggle rum wasn't helping her get over it. She wished she had some type of sleeping draught, but she didn't, and waking Severus at these hours would only make him piss in a pot longer than need be for classes in the morning.

Forcing her eyes closed, only seeing _his_ giddy charming face behind her eyes, she slowly drifted off.

Waking, surprised as to have a dreamless night, she got up and quickly changed her class schedule for the day. Dismissing all classes, she packed a small bag with her and headed for the Headmasters office. Entering, without caring to knock, she scowled at the old man who was already sucking on taffy stick so early in the morning.

"I am off to find the despicable man. When I return, don't think to ask of me for anymore!" Then, leaving no room for argument, she strode towards the fireplace, grabbing floo powder from a nearby dish and threw it down at her feet. " _Leaky Cauldron_!" She spoke clearly. Then, disappearing in a whisp of angry green fire, she appeared in the Leaky Cauldron.

She knew where to find him, granted that one time. And she knew exactly what he was doing right now. Finding no need to rush, she went to the front bar and ordered a butterbeer. As the bartender passed it to her, she grabbed it with her frail hands and walked slowly to a nearby back booth, hidden off from the rest of the place. She wished not to converse with anyone at the moment and only wanted to enjoy her drink before she got down to the nitty gritty.

As she sat there, sipping silently, she remembered that one foolish night that made her detest the man to this day.   
It was six years ago and back then, she was a party goer. Her, Madame Pince, Poppy, and Rosmerta all decided to go out for drinks in the dark parts of town, granted they thought they were the hot stuff. Letting her think back now made her roll her eyes, as she didn't know what had overcome her.

But anyway, so the four of them entered a pretty brutal looking place surrounded by a bunch of nasty people who had probably done more crimes than Azkaban could count for. Drinking, dancing and having a jolly good ol' time, she became completely intoxicated for six drinks in made her a loopy person.

Pince wasn't one to talk, but she had dared Minerva to go over to the, at the time, gorgeous looking man, who happened to be in the process of being another man's rattle to shake up in a rage, and kiss him. So, draining her shot, she mustered up the courage. Rosmerta was already snogging a man in the back with a tattoo covering half of his face and Poppy was in a booth picking up straws and blowing through them, laughing deliriously. Pince was the only one who seemed tame at the time.

Many people rumored that her and Severus were related because if their Snarky attitudes, glares and pointed noses. Not to mention the steel cold place eyes, raven hair and dreadful black clothing. She always seemed to dress as if she were attending a funeral.

So, fixing her hat upon her head, she daintily strode her way up to the man shaking the lights and magic out of the chap and cleared her throat.

"Sorry Mister, but this one belongs to me." The man lowered Gilderoy to the floor and looked at her.

"And just who do you think you are, old women?" He challenged. She glared at him and with a flick of her worst, his pants were down his ankles to show off his purple boxers with unicorns on them. Everyone in the bar broke out laughing and pointing at the man as he more so galloped out of the bar, with his pants still hanging around his ankles, crying and declaring revenge.

Looking back at the man before her, she stepped towards him.

"Well my good lady, I should thank you for allowing me the time to tie my laces, as he was only showing me how." He said in the most sexiest voice she had ever heard. His smile was charming, his hair was flawless and his clothes were very rich seeming to her. She nodded her head at him. Although she knew otherwise that it was a lie, she liked a man who played coy.

"No problem at all." She stretched out her hand. "Minerva, Minerva McGonagall. And I am flattered to be here, and your name?" She said with a smirk.

"Gilderoy, Gilderoy Lockhart at your service." He said bowing. Then grabbing her hand, he placed a small kiss upon it. His lips ghosting over her aged veins. Standing full length now, she blushed in his presence. Then hearing a voice clearing behind her, she turned and saw Pince tapping her wrist. Then nodding her head she took a small breath. She was a Gryffindor for a reason, right?

Before he even could react, her small thin lips were upon his luscious ones in a quick kiss. It seemed as if time began to fade. Just as she pulled away, his eyes flickered and opened slowly.

"My I have never tasted a women like you before." And with that, his lips were upon hers, his hands promptly wrapping around her waist as her body was pulled flush against his. Her heart was racing and her body was trembling with all of the sudden excitement coursing through her old body. As her hands wrapped around his neck, a moan stiffling from him, they fell into another Wizard who was drinking.

"Hey, what the bloody Hell! Watch it you pervs!" He shouted. Their kiss broke and a giggle came from the both of them. Completely into the man before her, her hand on his chest as she felt it beating rapidly, she smirked at him. His eyes locked on hers and he nodded his head briefly. Then, with a swift movement, his hand was in hers and he was dragging her up the old wooden-rickety stairs to what seemed to be an old dusty room.

His lips once more progressing upon hers as the door shut and locked, she reached for the buttons on his frock. His hands roaming her waist to her rump, he gave it a nice squeeze, making her moan against his mouth. Lips parting he pulled off his unbuttoned frock and returned back to her. Removing her witches hat, he began to unzip the back of her long dress she wore. Once more going for his white button up, she parted it open and ran her hands along his smooth fit body. Her eyes never leaving his for a moment.

She had never felt so sure about anything and it had been a long time since she had, had a good shag. Stepping out of her dress, leaving her in her petticoat, he removed his shirt and discarded it across the floor. Now revealing his fit and clad muscles and young shaped body. She didn't know who he was besides his first and last name and she already lusted for him.

Grabbing her hand, he placed it on his beating chest. Her thin lips open and sucking in air as she felt helpless for him, he walked her over to the moth eaten bed. She lay down on it and he above her. His lips kissing her jawline and neck, she placed her hands on his hips. Just as she felt his tongue come out and trail across her collarbone, she had enough of waiting. Their clothes already disappearing from the both of them, leaving them as open as a window, she could feel his long tool touch her leg. It was already attentive and she suddenly felt lost.

He smirked down at her as she bit her lip. Her body was not pretty and his was. She felt embarrassed, as she no longer held the voluptuous curves she once possessed. Now her breasts that had once been full and round, were like bags of flour. Her waist no longer held its hourglass shape and now possessed rolls she had become used to seeing.

Her complexion a pale color, matching her frail movement. But at the moment, she felt young again. He placed his finger beneath her chin and made her eyes gaze up at his. He raked her body with those pearly ones of his.

"Darling, you are so gorgeous." He mused. She looked away. Instead of having a tamed garden below she now looked as if a weed wacker or garden trimmers were needed to get the job done. How embarrassing indeed!

His lips softly upon hers, he spread her legs. Feeling no time to wait, as she already knew she was wanting him as badly, he placed himself within her and gave in hard thrust. She moaned loudly and arched upwards. The bed making noises as he began at a pace.

His hands on either side of her shoulders, he began moving his hips, using all he could to progress into her old small self. It had been ages since she's had attention like this and he could tell, for she was feeling a bit dry deep within. Groaning at the pressure, he closed his eyes. She locked a leg around his waist as her hands found his shoulders and gripped them tightly.

Just as his movements became a simple rhythm, she shuddered as she had never felt this way in ages! Her breasts sloshing with every thrust as they were doing nothing but flopping around, she felt herself tighten around him.

Crying out as she could feel herself coming to a quick end, she dug her nails into his shoulders and shut her eyes as tight as possible. Then, all at once, feeling that old familiar warmth, she let go. No sooner after she ended did he follow in suit. It was the best thing she had ever felt in her life.

Both of their breaths, raging, they collapsed side by side upon the old bed. Staring at the ceiling, she shook her head. She couldn't believe a simple dare turned into all of this.

"Sorry if that was quick. It's been a while." She admitted sheepishly. He laughed. Propping himself up on his hand he looked at her.

"Hey, what do you say we tell the whole Wizarding World that I made that horrid man let the old lady go and I saved you? Only to be granted with a good shag instead? Now I think that would make a fetching story." He said, his eyes glittering as he said this. She sat up and stared at him.

"I beg your pardon?" She said, her tone becoming quite hostile.

"Well, it sure would be amazing to have a story like that and then we could make it into more, saying you've been locked in his basement and have been trying to escape and I've finally come to save you, your knight in shining armor. Because I am quite dashing and charming." He said, almost teasing himself with his words. Finally putting two and two together, the alcohol seeing to not be so heavily on her to cloud her judgment anymore, she gasped.

"No! Absolutely not! Your that... that man who happens to be a cheat!" She says, getting up off of the bed. He sat up and smirked.

"Would you like my autograph? I happen to travel with spares!" He said, almost leaping off of the bed to a bag in the room. She grabbed her head and began shaking it.

"No, no, no, no, no!" She repeated over and over. She had just slept with him! Him! Gilderoy Lockhart! The lie! The cheat! The supposed bravest most heroic man to live! Quickly grabbing up her clothes, she magiced them on and turned towards the door. Just before she could reach the handle, he had his wand trained up in her, blocking her way. "Move out of my way!" She hissed at him.

"Oh but Minnie, the funs only just begun! See, I'm not done with you. You are going to confess to the town my idea, you are going to make a whole big scene about it and I am going to become famous." He said, his cheeky grin holding nothing but lies. She glared at him.

"I will not do such a thing! Move away from the door!" She hollered, hoping he hadn't put a charm upon it.

"You leave me no choice but to Obliviate you. Now I am left to do the hard work of explaining to you when you awake, what happened and you will believe every word I say!" He hissed at her, growing cross with her defiance. Just as he was about to swish his hand and say the spell, she balled her first and connected it to his mouth. He stood there, blinking as if unsure as to what happened when she gripped her knuckles from how hard she hit him. Then one by one he began spitting out teeth upon the floor. Blood trailing down his chin.

"Next time, I won't be so generous." And with that, she pushed him aside as he continued to stand there, stunned.

Shaking her head from the memory, she shuddered. Looking at the time, she finished off her drink and stood up. Walking to the bottom of the familiar steps, she took a deep breath. Picking up her dress, she walked up the steps and burst through the door.

Laying on the bed was Gilderoy as a young blonde haired witch was giving him head. Seeing her upon entrance, the girl sat up and screamed, trying to aimlessly cover herself up. With a flick of her wand, Minerva stunned her.

Gilderoy sat up and sighed. "You could have at least allowed her to finish. Now what am I going to do!?" He said, implying to himself.

"Grab your things and follow me." She said sternly. He chuckled.

"Ooh, Minnie are we going to play cat and dog? Please tell me you won't leave me hanging like this?" He said, gesturing to his buddy attentively between his legs. She smirked. Striding up to him, she leaned forward, her face merely inches from his own.

"And just tell me, Gilderoy, how are your teeth doing?" She said. She had heard he had to get dentures to fill in the gaps. He groaned.

"Oh please!?" He begged. She nodded her head.

"With pleasure." And all of a sudden, an icy cold whisp came from the tip of her wand and froze his friend between his legs.

"Bloody Hell!" He yelled out, lurching forward and whimpering. "What the Hell was that for!?" She smiled at her handy work and it's effect upon him. He seemed almost rendered powerless. He was gasping in pain as he gripped it, trying aimlessly to make it stop.

"When I say jump, never ask me how high and for how long. Now, let's go." She said, and with that, she walked out of the room, leaving him there to figure out how to put his pants on with a frozen painful stick.

 

**THE END**

**Author's Note:**

> NO CONTINUATION!


End file.
